Sibling rivalry is one of the most troubling problems
parents encounter when raising multiple children. No matter their ages,
brothers and sisters who constantly and vehemently fight can disrupt and harm
the family as a whole—as well as hurt the sibling relationship. Over the next
few months, my Practical Parenting
newsletter will dispel some of the common sibling rivalry myths.
Myth 5: We need to
give our children equal attention. We often fall into the trap of wanting
to be so precisely fair with time spent with our kids that we overlook them as
individuals. Some kids may require more parental attention because of age
(infants and toddlers), health (sickness or chronic disease), or special needs
(academic, mental, or physical). Most families experience giving one child more
attention for a period of time for a variety of reasons that could be temporary
or permanent.
Myth 6: Competition
in the home is inevitable. Some parents further complicate the issue by
insisting that competition in the home is good practice for kids because it can
prepare them for living in a dog-eat-dog world. Others view competition as a
way to get ahead in life, to become a “winner” instead of a “loser.” Again,
what these views fail to consider is that pitting children against one another
does little to build them up into responsible and respectful adults. While both
views have a grain of truth, overall, our homes should strive to be less
competitive and more cooperative, less focused on winning and more centered on
respecting and loving each other.
Myth 7: Fairness
should rule in everything. Parents have embraced the “fairness doctrine” as
a way to ensure their children get along. After all, if we treat each one
exactly the same, they will have less to bicker about, right? Wrong. Children
will always find things to cry, “It’s not fair!” We need to realize that
children have a warped sense of fairness as it relates specifically to them.
They have a stake in the outcome of everything, which skews their view of
situations. What they think is fair and impartial often isn’t in the true sense
of the phrase. If we start trying to be fair in all that we do with and for our
children, we will end up pleasing no one and paving the way for more sibling
rivalry in the future.
Read more about
reducing sibling rivalry and creating an environment of peace in your home in
my new book, Ending Sibling Rivalry: Moving Your Kids From War to Peace, available for pre-order now on Amazon.com,
CBD.com
and Beacon Hill Press.
