The Importance of Leadership, January 2013

by Sarah Hamaker

Leadership: The ability to lead; the act of leading.

Leadership synonyms: authoritativeness, influence, command, effectiveness

“The problem is that when a person in a leadership position attempts to establish a close relationship with the people he is leading, his effectiveness as a leader is canceled. Children need good leadership, at least until they have developed good impulse control.” –John Rosemond in Parent Babble

The start of a new year is a good time to take stock of what you want your parenting to be in 2013. Do you want a better relationship with your children? Do you want to have a more calm approach to discipline? Do you want to get on the same page with your spouse on parenting issues?

A great place to start is your overall parenting philosophy, which can be easier to change than you think. As leaders, parents help shepherd their children from babyhood to adulthood, taking into account their abilities and development along the way.

But for many parents, leadership has become something to avoid. Democracy in the family has replaced leadership, and the result is chaos. No one is in charge. By trying to elevate children to the same level as parents, the family becomes mired in a no-win situation.

If companies were run like some families are—with everyone having equal input into decisions—things would break down pretty quickly. It’s when a business has a good leader, one who makes the tough decisions, takes action when things go wrong, and leads with love and authority that the company thrives. As parents, we should be more like CEOs of our family, rather than dictators.

The same is true of a family. When parents focus on leadership and love, which go hand-in-hand, the family can grow as the children get older. Effective leaders don’t micromanage their employees, but let them perform the tasks assigned within certain parameters. Leaders set limits, project authority and garner respect.

Effective leaders don’t worry about whether or not their employees like them. They are more concerned with making sure the company is going in the right direction and that the workers are doing their jobs. For children, this means obeying their parents in all things. For parents, it means leading their children and setting a good example of how to be a responsible and caring mother and father.

Effective leaders also don’t get upset when their decisions are not popular. They know that as leaders, they have to make tough calls that their employees will likely not understand until they are leaders themselves. The same with parents: Parents make hard decisions that their children will not understand until they are parents themselves.

Effective leaders also say what they mean and mean what they say. There’s no wishy-washiness about what they say, no room for interpretation. As a result, their employees know where they stand and what’s expected of them. Therefore, the leader usually gets the results he or she seeks. For parents, this means giving clear instructions, not repeating themselves, and expecting their children to be obedient.

Leading as a parent doesn’t mean you rule with an iron fist. It means you lead with love, which translates into a household of happy children and an atmosphere of fun. Which place would you rather be?